Y’all may think I’ve gone a little crazy, but this is what I’m doing and it’s setting me free like never before. Embrace Weakness. This is upside down from the “pull up your bootstraps” mentality that is so prevalent in this culture. I tend to shun weakness and pretend that I don’t have any inadequacies. (chuckle) That is worth a loud snort because we all have frailties in our life.
My eyes aren’t working the way I want them to. As a result, I’ve had severe double vision for the past two and a half years. There are periods of time that I just can’t drive myself around to and fro the way that I’m used to. I have to call or text friends or ask my kids to take me to the grocery store, or to run errands, or to go to work. For a time, I was so fed up with asking people for help that I hired a college student as a driver for a couple of months. She is very sweet and was a blessing to us during that time. I wasn’t embracing my weakness. I was kicking and screaming and throwing a fit about it.
I kicked and screamed for about two years. I researched on the internet. I had several MRI’s, countless blood tests, doctor visits and went to the incredible Mayo Clinic. Suddenly, over the past few weeks, my vision is getting worse. My heart, however, is becoming more and more free. How? By embracing my weakness. I am weak. I can’t fight it. Well, I guess I can, but it’s just plain exhausting and fruitless. I have been angry at God, mad at my own body for betraying me and not behaving the way I want it to, and finally, I am done fighting.
I accept that I am weak. But Jesus is strong. He is my strength. I have tried to be strong my entire life and put up a persona of a strong woman, and I don’t have to do it anymore. It’s so relaxing and peaceful. Embrace weakness.
When I was a single mom of a little baby boy and had to prove to the world that I could do this, I was strong. When I was a young girl who was sexually abused and I promised myself I would never be a victim again, I was strong. I don’t have anything to prove now. I’m embracing my weakness, embracing Jesus and His peace. And it feels good.